


Yuno Gets Stickbugged

by Asta_Is_Dead



Category: Black Clover - Tabata Yuki (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Manga: Black Clover, Mentioned Black Bulls Squad (Black Clover), Other, Pining Yuno (Black Clover), Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26539069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asta_Is_Dead/pseuds/Asta_Is_Dead
Summary: Asta learns the power of memes, and Yuno isn't liking any of it. Will his big dom energy seduce Yuno, or will Yuno overcome this madness and get the old Asta back?
Relationships: Asta & Leopold Vermillion, Asta & Yuno (Black Clover), Asta/Yuno (Black Clover)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	Yuno Gets Stickbugged

**Author's Note:**

> by god if you read this please cleanse yourself with holy water afterwards. also consider reading my other fics they're much better because they aren't crack like this BAHAHAHA
> 
> Pieces of text look funny without the italics. I'm not used to AO3's layout, so it's pretty funny to me, too.
> 
> This'll probably have 2/2 chapters btw. if you dont like yunoasu regardless if it's a joke or not then leave ty

At that moment, Yuno knew.

Yuno knew Asta was never the same after that one godforsaken day.

It was a cloudy afternoon in their apartment, which they had decided to move into after they finished school. They were just friends, after all. Just a couple of dudes living together. Nothing else.  
...Absolutely nothing else, even when Yuno nearly fainted at the sight of Asta buck naked, asking Yuno for a towel because he'd forgotten to take one into the shower one time... Seriously, when were they going to invest in installing a shelf to put the towels on?  
They'd went out for lunch just before this happened. Asta was looking absentmindedly at his phone. Yuno quietly watched him with a blank stare. He wondered what he was looking at. Memes? Dancing? Or maybe... Por... Wait.  
Is Asta even into that kind of stuff?!  
Yuno panicked inside slightly, his demeanor however not changing, only shifting slightly to peer at his friend's screen to only see a stickbug wildly grooving and getting funky.  
Ahh... That's such a relief. Wait, isn't that a new meme? Does Asta really...  
Yuno knew Asta liked memes, he just wasn't... Really that good at finding the funny ones. Yuno loved the EPIC FUNNY HAHA PETER GRIFFIN YANDERE DEV !!!! memes, the ones that made absolutely no sense, and he realized a while back that Asta's preference was the wholesome ones - sometimes, just plain cringy, Yuno thought. He never sent Asta memes because he felt like he would never understand them. Maybe Asta was just born with a boomer's humor, and God bless his poor soul for that one. Not many people with a boomer's humor make it through life without being called a simp.  
Yuno, however, was NOT a simp. He was smart, intelligent, witty, and opted out on every occasion he could that involved women. Asta was always the nicer one of the two, bringing encouragement all around and gaining a whole harem while still managing to be coherently sane, so, of course, he had to be a simp. It just didn't feel right to assume he wasn't.  
But, when Yuno saw the stickbug lurching and bouncing on Asta's screen, it's like his whole world turned upside down. What if Asta isn't so wholesome after all? What if he's an undercover memelord?  
" H-Hey, Asta... What are you looking at, bro? "  
Asta turned his head around to meet Yuno's gaze. " Oh, just a funny video I found while scrolling through Tumblr. I found another earlier, and I gotta say, it's actually pretty cool. "  
What.  
Asta scrolled down with his thumb, lifting his phone so Yuno could see it. It was a video with EA written on it.  
Yuno stared intently. What was it going to do? Apparently it was a video, but it didn't make sense to him at the moment, until lines appeared on the EA.  
" This part is where it gets HILARIOUS! Don't you dare look away, Yuno. "  
Yuno looked into Asta's eyes, and then back to the screen. Suddenly, the lines started shifting again to form a weird creature, the EA disappearing and all that was left is this weird... Amorphous stick, that was, until the picture shifted into... A... A STICK BUG?!  
Yuno gasped. " 'Get sick bugged lol'? Asta... What is this? What are you DOING? " He questioned unusually loudly, glancing at the now dancing stick bug again as the video led to such a destination. He was scared. Scared for his poor, poor friend, one that had been consumed by the darkness. He never messed with the stickbug memes. Everyone thought it was cute, that it was wholesome, but no... It reminded him of something dark. Sinister, even, and it terrified him deeply. He didn't want to lose his friend, the only one with the potential of understanding him.  
" What's wrong with it? He's just breakdancing, dude! Look at how happy he looks! Plus, it's funny. "  
Yuno blanked. It's... Funny? THAT is funny to him? That could be considered dark humor... Oh no, where has my Asta gone?  
Wait, MY Asta? Nah dude, he lives his own life.  
As Yuno distracted himself with a light flush on his face, Asta smiled deeply to himself. He could feel his IQ become increasingly higher with every meme he consumed. He's seen deep fried memes before, but this is on a whole 'nother level, and it's going to his mind. He can just feel it. He's becoming more powerful by the second, his spiritual energy rising, and apparently Yuno felt it too.  
" Hey, Asta, uh... Do you feel that? "  
" Feel what? "  
" This radiating force, and the only word I can describe it with is... dominating... Is that you? It feels sexy, actua- "  
Asta suddenly burst out laughing, shoving his phone in Yuno's face while wiping a tear from his eye.  
Yuno stared at it, attempting to read it out loud. It was an image of a close up cat face with top text and bottom text.  
" Uhhh... 'penis. cock, even.' What the hell? "  
Yuno feared for his life. He's seen that before, of course he has, but he didn't think Asta would laugh at something like that. Was Asta really an undercover memelord? Was Yuno's life actually going to end today? His eyes widened. His heart rate sped up. He started sweating intensely, gulping and staring into Asta's eyes.  
Actually, if he died by Asta's hands, it wouldn't be so bad. What was he gonna do, choke him? What if he's into tha-  
" Hey Yuno, don't you like memes like this? The cursed ones? "  
" W-Well, yeah, I guess... " He lied. The cursed ones made him want to shoot himself. They're just... Scary to him, in so many ways.  
He wanted this to end. He wanted this to all be over. He wanted Asta to stay away from those kind of memes, to be the wholesome chad he was before. Wait, chad? Why did I think chad? Is it because he's muscular or something? Not that I don't like that, but... Yuno looked away in embarrassment again. Not that I'm into that though. I don't like him at all... Not even when he sweats so heavy after a hard workout, his hair glued to his forehead- Okay, that's enough. What am I thinking?  
Distracting himself from his thoughts, Yuno touched Asta's shoulder. " Maybe we should go out again. Just for a little bit. "  
" But we just got home... "  
" Please? "  
" Okay, I guess. "

Asta stood up off of the baby blue couch, stretching. " Where would we go? "  
Yuno pondered for a moment. " The park? "  
He agreed to go, both putting on their shoes again and heading out their apartment to take a walk to the park.

As they walked down the concrete sidewalk, Asta just had to ask Yuno something. " Hey, why'd you wanna go to the park anyways? "  
Yuno held in the urge to say 'to spend time with you'. They were already alone enough at the apartment as it was.  
" Because, Asta. I'm worried about you. Those memes, they... They change people. They hurt them, and take away their innocence. I don't want that to happen to you. "  
Even though Asta looked at him defensively, Yuno could tell he knew what he meant. " Don't take that as pity or me belittling you. This is the real deal, dude. "  
" Of course, I'd never... "  
They stopped by a bench, each other's expressions softening when they both began to sit down.  
" One thing. "  
" What? "  
" I gotta take a peepee, like, pretty bad. Can you hold my phone? "  
" Uhh, sure? "  
Getting up, Asta made a beeline for the nearest store, and Yuno could see him opening the doors to rush inside.  
Well, that happened. Another thing that happened was he noticed Asta left his phone unlocked. He hated being nosy, but he always wanted a good look at Asta's shopping cart and photos. These weird packages would always come by their apartment anyways, and he never got to see what it was, so he just let it be. But, now, he could finally see what Asta's been hiding all this time, under his layers of precious, sweet wholesomeness.

Clicking on one of the shopping apps he had on his phone, he immediately went to the OWNED section and scrolled through a list of things.  
Hmmm... Some rings... Some cologne... A bottle of lu- Huh? What's that?  
Yuno clicked on one of the items.  
Is that a... A motherfucking dildo?!  
Yuno's face warmed up at the speed of nascar, heart thumping harder than before. D-Does he... Like that kind of stuff...? Was I right all along?! Is he that kind of guy?! M-Maybe I have a chance with him... Wait, what? No way, I don't like him like that. Not at all, haha, my brain's so weird...  
Hearing footsteps behind him already, he guessed Asta must've been back.  
" Hey Yuno, whatchya doing? " before realizing he was on his phone. Yuno shoved the screen into Asta's face, Asta backing up slightly with a shocked look.  
Yuno glanced at him before looking back at the phone. " WHAT EVEN IS ALL OF THIS STUFF??? "  
" Long story short, someone hacked into my account and I'm not sure how to get it back, so, yeah... " Asta mentioned, rubbing the back of his neck with a cheeky smile. Yuno's expression calmed down.

" Haha, you scared me. I thought you'd actually bought lube and a dildo... "

" Oh, no, those two are mine. "

What.

Yuno wanted to die, or well, in his terms, he wanted The Big Death. The Sweet Release. He wanted to catch a bad case of The Die. Asta was different, and Yuno wasn't living for it.  
" You could use it too, y'know. "  
Too? Is he joking? Does that mean he's gonna use it???  
" Wh-What? Correct me if I'm wrong, but, 'too'? "  
" Yeah, duh. I was gonna make a video out of it since I figured it's funny. I thought you'd wanna do that too sometime, eloel. "  
EL OH EL?? EL OH FUCKING. EL??? ASTA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOU???  
" O-Oh, I thought you meant like, uh... " Yuno stammered, trying to find an appropriate term for it.

" For its actual purpose? "

" Uh, yeah... "

" I mean, sure, we could do that too. "

" Huh? " 

" jaykay, elimayo. "

Yuno blanked.

WHAT THE FUCK. I AM GOING TO HAVE A STROKE. STOP PLAYING WITH ME MOTHERFUCKER.

" ...Unless...? "

ASTA. PLEASE STOP TALKING, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE. I HATE YOU.  
IS HE DOING THIS TO ME ON PURPOSE? DOES HE KNOW I HAVE A MANCRUSH ON HIM? I MEAN I- I OBVIOUSLY DON'T, BUT HE'S JUST SO-  
Yuno's face was up in flames already, and seeing it somehow flush even more of a red was... Kind of terrifying. This is not cool. This is so out of character. I need to calm down.  
" Anyways, you wanna go jog or something? I'm bored. "  
" S-Sure, I guess. "

And there they were, for the past 20 minutes jogging until their legs hurt.  
Of course, Yuno got tired first. He didn't work out like Asta did, and surely Asta was far ahead of him by now, so far that he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see him right behind him like he'd never even ran in the first place. The only evidence was the sweat on his skin and his more disheveled locks of hair.  
Yuno stared at him, noticed his deep breathing and immediately looked away. Stop, I don't like that at all! It's actually digusting I think, and... But why did he want to keep looking at him, especially when he knew Asta was a mess? Even the slight scent of cologne and salt stirred feelings inside of him, and it felt overwhelmingly pleasant, like a wave of euphoria washed over him.  
" *loud breath* Hey, I-h, thought you'd be able to run faster than-hh, that! "  
Wow, Yuno thought, The way he breathes while talking is kind of...  
Yuno clenched his fists and bit his lip before speaking.  
" It's just not my day I guess. You... "  
" Huh? "  
" I kept trying to run straight and my thoughts kept distracting me... "  
Asta smiled and turned to face Yuno more. " Oohhh... So, what were you thinking about, huh? " Asta asked, eyes half lidded and narrowed.  
Yuno tried swallowing the forming lump in his throat. " U-Uh, it was, just... "  
His heart pounded hard again with anxiety and embarrassment.  
" It's pretty hot, don't you think? We should get some water, " Yuno interrupted himself, hoping Asta would let the last question go. In fact he did, and Yuno nearly smiled in relief when Asta complied to go to one of the water fountains for a few sips.  
Ahh, to live on this earth... He thought, spending more than a couple of seconds getting water. He was thirsty, really thirsty, and this was one of the few times where the water fountain was actually cold. It tasted like shit when it wasn't. What did they even put in it?  
Backing up and wiping his mouth, he watched Asta sigh when he finally got to walk up to get some as well. Yuno couldn't help but watch him intently. He stared at the way Asta hastily drank every drop of water that spilled into his mouth just after leaning forward in front of him.  
Wh- Why am I looking at him like that? Am I still thirsty? Do I want to be in his place, gulping down that water or something? He thought deeply, bringing a hand to touch his chin. Maybe I am still thirsty. I don't feel like it, but... Yuno's eyes glanced towards Asta's arm as the shorter teen lifted his head up, scraping the hair that was stuck on his forehead out of his eyes, swiping it back so he could cool down faster.  
Oh, hell. That's kinda-  
Yuno shifted his gaze when Asta looked at him, scared he'd noticed before he switched the topic as soon as they both stood up straight. He looked toward the sky, pointing at it while Asta joined his gaze. " You see that? "  
Apparently, some of the clouds had began to turn darker more towards where their apartment was. " That real dark cloud over there? " Asta guessed. Yuno nodded.  
" Well, if it's gonna rain soon, then I'm gonna go already. Catch up if you wanna! "  
Yuno watched him run back towards the way they came. How was he already ready to run again so fast? More importantly, when did he get his phone back? He didn't even see Asta get it when he set it back down on the bench, but he saw it in his hand. Was... Was this part of his newfound powers from consuming those cursed memes?  
The taller teen felt anxiety and worry well up within him again. This... Is not good. He needs to get to Asta before he looks at any more memes.  
But, his phone should be nearly dead by now... Before we ran, I set his brightness to 100% and opened up Snapchat. There's no way he'll find his charger before it dies, cause he always seems to lose it, so...  
I should be good. I can do this. I can save him.  
Yuno smiled to himself. I'm gonna bring the old Asta back.

Sitting down on the couch with an exhausted groan, Yuno decided to lay back. It was still afternoon, but it looked so much darker as he sat there for a few more moments than expected. Asta must've been in his room. Yuno left him alone for now and decided to turn the TV on to watch the weather channel, seeing how it was already thundering at 2:27pm, and the storm wasn't even close to them yet.  
And he stayed there dozing off slightly on the ouch past 3:30pm. Past 4:30pm. Past 5:30pm to 8, not dreaming of anything particular. One of the last dreams he had was actually... Quite sinful, and of course, it had to have been about his friend that he was undoubtedly gay for. He woke up that morning and wanted death due to the feeling in his pants, and that was also the morning Asta walked in naked just to ask for a goddamn towel, him with his hair all soaked and wet, his skin glistening, and if you looked lower, his... We don't bring that up.  
Yuno felt himself come to, slowly opening his eyes whilst sitting up. The TV displayed ads, and he managed to cut it off without being blinded first. He felt his stomach grumble, looking towards the pantry, seeing all the stuff they'd went out and bought yesterday... That day was so wild... But then again, wasn't every day he spent with Asta considered wild? Not a single one was normal with him around. Thinking about that only made Yuno wonder what Asta was doing.  
Uhh...  
Finding his charger, maybe? He thought he heard a few voices coming from his room, and he wanted to see how he was dealing with his new humor. He'd probably seen a few memes ones since he ran home. Maybe that was Asta's objective instead of not wanting to get wet. Besides, Asta was always the one wanting to stay out in the rain, not Yuno... Yeah, maybe after I eat I should check on him, he thought, standing up and walking towards the pantry.  
Grabbing a bowl and a box of Heart Healthy Honey Nut Cheerios©️, he ripped it open and shoved over half of the cereals into the bowl, and some even spilled because he was such an Ultimate Dumbass(ed) Motherfucker(ed). He hastily poured the milk and grabbed a spoon, not bothering to put anything back and immediately spooned it into his mouth.  
Mmmm, Heart Healthy Honey Nut Cheerios©️, my favorite... He thought. God, they make me so horny.

He snickered to himself.

I am so goddamn funny. I am the Funny King. I have a case of the Humorous.

Suddenly hearing his phone ding, he put his bowl on the counter and checked his messages. Leo sent him a video of a black guy. Playing the video, he looked at it intently and smiled when the guy came closer to the screen.  
" Oh hey, haha, I just boutta go 'ta bed! I know we didn't get t' skype tnite, but...... das alright. Gunight gurl, i seeya tmarra," The guy said, finished by him walking forwards and then falling onto the floor backwards, which was accompanied by a loud earrape noise. Yuno, of course, held his stomach trying to contain multiple wheezes, which sounded identical to the man coughing in a video called 'I Don't Give A Fuark'.  
" UREEHEEHEEHAHAAHAAHAA, WAHAAHAAHAA " He screamed. He had no idea how to laugh, but took great pride in how good he thought it was. It sounded like the Jotaro Laughing clips from Eyes of Heaven.  
He thought his lungs exploded. Is this where his life ends, on the cold floor where he'd just dropped his phone onto?  
The more he 'laughed', the less funny it got. He felt relieved at that. He didn't want to do whatever that was he was doing much longer. It felt like he just inhaled a rat.  
When he finished, he instantly stuffed his mouth with more Heart Healthy Honey Nut Cheerios©️. Oh, oh god, I can feel something in my pants already...  
He flushed red, shoving the spoon deeper into his throat.  
Heart Healthy Honey Nut Cheerios©️... Wait, what am I doing? " N-Not now, not here, right in the middle of the pantry, Heart Healthy Honey Nut Cheerios©️!!!... Asta could walk in at any time and s-see us... "  
The cereal riddled slightly in sadness and went back to being lifeless so Yuno could finish his bowl.

With the last bite finished, he clanked it on the counter and watched the spoon spin in it slowly from the force. He got up and took his phone with him, ignoring the new reply he got from Leopold when he sent him an LMFAO CRYING DEAD ON THE FLOOR DECEASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.  
Time to check on Asta. I wonder if he found his charger yet...?  
He wearily started walking towards Asta's doorway, listening to the groans and huffs coming from the other room.  
Hoh, sounds quite spicy in there.  
He peeped through the doorway, eyeing the boy that was on his bed, ass in the air as his hands were on the floor from searching for his charger. His legs seemed to be tangled in the covers, and he couldn't lift himself up high enough to rip them off.  
Wohoh, Asta. What are you doing like that? Your knees are on the edge of the bed, you might fall...  
" Ghh, Yuno, you're in here? Can you help me? "  
Yuno's face flushed. He hated the way everything Asta did sounded to him. He wouldn't call it dirty, but it... Sounded unbelievably sus.  
" Oh? "  
" Please. I can't get out of it by myself! "  
" Sure, I guess. "  
Walking over, Yuno put his phone in his pocket as he grabbed the back of Asta's shirt by the collar. " A-AGCK-- Whaaahat are you doing?! " Asta said as he immediately placed his hands on Yuno's, pulling on them to release the pressure on his windpipes.  
" I'm helping you. "  
Suddenly, Asta was yoinked up onto the bed. " So much for helping... If you break my neck, I'll beat you up!! " Asta yelled, starting to cough into his hands as Yuno sighed.  
" As if I'd let you. Plus, if your neck breaks that easily, then you're just as weak as you are stupid. "  
" HUH?! THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!! OKAY THEN MISTER!!! YOU'RE AS STUPID AS YOU ARE SUS!!! "  
Yuno's face flushed. A-Asta calling me sus? How new... I d-don't exactly dislike that though... Wait. What am I saying.  
Yuno nearly walked away before Asta grabbed the loose of his shirt.  
" Where do you think you're going?! "  
" Out of your room. Get that COVID shit away from me. "  
" WH?!?! COVID DOESN'T EXIST HERE?!?!?! "  
" Then why do I suddenly feel groggy after being near you? "  
" You're just plain mean!! You can leave anytime now!! "  
" Weird. I thought you were the one who pulled on my shirt and asked me where I was going? "  
" NOPE!!! Never happened!! Goodbye!! You're getting canceled on your twitter!! "  
What.  
" M-My... My twitter? "  
" YEAH!! Besides, who's this guy you're in love with anyways?! AND WHY do you marry so many girls on here?! "  
" I... There isn't any guy I like. Also, they asked me. It's not like I'm actually going to marry them. "  
" You literally posted multiple threads about it!! I can give you the link, too!! Ash-grey, spiky hair? Stunning olivine-colored eyes? Wears black clothes too often? "  
With every word Asta spewed, his face only got redder.  
Here comes the homophobic comments-!  
Yuno always knew he was pan to begin with, but never likes trying to come to terms with it.  
" This guy sounds pretty ugly!! You must have bad taste!! "  
He always thought Asta would be disgusted in him, so he kept his social media away from the minuscule boy. The tiny boy. The smaller boy. GOD, WHAT FUCKING ADJECTIVES DO I USE FOR MY INNER MONOLOGUE?!  
" But, whatever makes you happy! "  
This is it. He's going to die, right here, right now. All of his friendships will end. His reputation will decline. His stupidity will accelerate.  
" ...Yuno? "  
" A-Asta... "  
" Huh...? "  
Yuno gulped while his face flushed redder in embarrassment.  
" That guy I described... "  
Asta looked into Yuno's eyes, noticing the way they glistened and stood up straight beside him to listen.  
" It was you. "  
And then, shock. Asta's expression never shifted from his previous confused one.  
" Your massive dom energy you gained from memes seduced me to the point where I had to tell you. I can't hold it in anymore. "  
Asta machine broke. It crashed. It disintegrated. It evaporated. It melted into the floor like spoiled milk.  
" I have a massive mancrush on you, and I will lick your toes if you ask me too. I will cook food for you every morning and I will let you have the rest of my Heart Healthy Honey Nut Cheerios©️. "  
Asta nearly fainted, grabbing onto Yuno's shirt, his face crashing into Yuno's Man Tiddies.  
" Y-Yuno... Thanks for the compliment, but I'm such a bottom for you. "  
What.  
Suddenly, the Dom Energy™ radiating from Asta completely vanished. Yuno held Asta in his arms when Asta poked his head up.

" Actually, I wanted to ask you something. "

" What is it? "

Asta pointed at the dildo that sat on his desk.

" Wanna uh, try out that for its actual use? "

" You're not joking this time, are you? "

" Nope. "

" Only if you'll shove Heart Healthy Honey Nut Cheerios©️ up my ass. "

" Anything for you, Yuno(said gayly). "


End file.
